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about

I wrote this song during the lowest point of my life. My depression and anxiety had grown wildly out of control, and I was doing absolutely nothing to try and combat the tides that were rolling over me.

In the winter of 2017 I flew to New York and spent several days walking around the city alone. Besides ordering food and coffee, I don't think I spoke a word to another human for almost 100 hours.

One night, soon after returning home, I was sitting at my desk, staring aimlessly into the darkness of my own room. I noticed a belt hanging loosely over my closet door and was struck by how much it resembled a noose. Thoughts of suicide began to swim through my head. I played out several scenarios that I thought would result in a quick and easy death, and wouldn't cause an undue burden to whoever would eventually have to find my corpse. In my scenarios, I felt an obligation to write a note to those I would be leaving behind. Hell, the least I could do was trying to provide some closure. I grabbed a pen to write my imaginary (or maybe not so imaginary) departing words, and was hit with writers block (looking back, I find some humor in this). To try and overcome the wall, I grabbed a guitar and found a melody I liked. A few hours later the original version of Fear Came had been written.

We didn't have a name for this one for a long time. In fact, Robert Stonaker hated this song the first few times I played it.

One day during band practice I picked up a book of poems by Rudyard Kipling and announced I was going to open it at random. We agreed that wherever my eyes landed, that's what we'd name the song.

Even if you hate the song, be sure to check out "How Fear Came" by Kipling...

lyrics

I'm starting
To wonder
If you knew
What you were doing
When you said
You couldn't do this anymore
Did you know
When you told me
All the ways
You couldn't love me
That I
Was crashing on your shore
And now that
Its pulled out
I guess this wound
Ain't so bad
Its only
A knife
In my back
And I thought I couldn't want you
Not more
Than I used to
But I guess
I was wrong
About that

Now that you're gone
I can't help but tie it on
And it fits a little snug
But I guess its enough
To hold me up

Oh, goddamn.

You were the name I wanted to know
You were the days I wanted to slow
But you left me alone

I think I'll just hang here alone

credits

from Basement Full of Ghosts, released May 1, 2020

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Girl Clothes Athens, Georgia

Existential angst meets misguided narcissism.
Loud.
Sad.
Fun!

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